


Formulaic

by thealphagate_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Humor, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-18
Updated: 2006-03-18
Packaged: 2019-02-02 05:42:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12720795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thealphagate_archivist/pseuds/thealphagate_archivist
Summary: Daniel explains what a slash fic is.





	Formulaic

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the archivists: this story was originally archived at [The Alpha Gate](https://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Alpha_Gate), a Stargate SG-1 archive, which began migration to the AO3 in 2017 when its hosting software, eFiction, was no longer receiving support. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are this creator and it hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Alpha Gate collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/thealphagate).

J: Whatcha doin, Daniel?

D: Reading some first time/slash fiction. Umm, they're just stories Jack. 

J: Huh, doesn't sound very archeologish or linguisticky to me.

D: Linguisticky? Well. I thinking a little too much about things, and these stories always cheer me up. It doesn't matter. 

J: Okay, but wait... how do these stories go?

D: You don't want to know.

J: Do too.

D: Do not.

J: Do too.

D: Do no-Oh hell with it. Fine.

J: So, how do they go?

D: Well, they follow a kind of, mmm, formula. And they usually start with two guys.

J: Which two guys?

D: Any two guys. 

J: Any two guys?

D: Well, two straight guys. Well, they think they're heterosexual. No wait, actually, they're not completely straight, they're just soo repressed, they can't handle the thought of homosexuality.

J: Uh-huh. but say like, for all outward appearances, two straight guys, like us.

D: Yep, you've got it.

J: I do? Sweet. And then?

D: Then, these two guys, who think they're heterosexual, work together professionally, and-

J: Oh, like you and me?

D: Ummm... yes. We work together. Right, so then, the profession they're in, turns out to be really stressful, and hazardous toward their health.

J: Like going through worm-holes and fighting snake heads? Getting called "kids" by the Nox? Watching you die a couple of times???

D: Sure. At any rate, occasionally their lives are in danger. So, finally, the stress twists them all up inside and they freak out and declare their love for each other.

J: How?

D: Oh, usually by taking some off the wall moment to kiss. Actually, usually, it's just one of them. The braver one.

J: Oh, so, say, if we were the two horribly repressed guys, and you were at your computer, like you are now, and I was leaning over your shoulder like this. 

D: Uh-huh.

J: And I just, you know, took my lips and kind of nipped at your earlobe. Say like this-

D: Aahh! Ummm, ummm... Well, I, I mean he, he would freak out a little, being horribly repressed, but I'd, ah, he'd recover.

J: You would? Um, he would? They'd be o.k.?

D: Ah, eventually. I mean, they're really repressed, but love and life are both fleeting. So, after he'd stopped freaking out, the other guy could safely invite him over to watch hockey.

J: Cool! Would they watch hockey?

D: Ah. No. They'd just pretend they were going to. Then after a bit more freaking out, off to bed. 

J: Sex!

D: Sex. One of them though, wouldn't understand that it wasn't about sex though, it was about love, hormones be damned.

J: Sure. What's sex without love?

D: Exactly, but they'd have to have a long conversation about it, because communicating is what guys do best.

J: Huh?

D: Of course, then they have to consider the obstacles.

J: Obstacles?

D: Yes, well, say for instance, if we were the two horribly repressed guys, the military mindset would be an obstacle. 

J: Not for me. Military be damned, Danny.

D: Really?

J: Love and life are both fleeting, remember?

D: Well, there are other obstacles. Like, I don't know, psychological issues, ghosts from the past, societal troubles, occasional alien implantations.

J: Pfffph! Everyone deals with that sort of crap. 

D: Sure, well, that's what happens in the stories. 

J: What else happens in these stories. Let me see the screen. AND THEN THEY- Wow! Suppose that's anatomically possible?

D: I'm not sure.

J: Hey, read what that guy is wearing... Uh, do you own flannel pjs?

D: Yes, ummm..wait-

J: Nah, I'm on a role. Want to watch a hockey game tonight? I'll buy the beer, and you bring your pjs.

D: Sounds like a happy ending to me.


End file.
